To answer this question, we need to review who the femme fatale is.
- Black noir film depiction of the villain taking the shape of a female
- Usually seductive and beautiful
- Driven by money, power, and wealth
- Motivations were impure (aka, not a housewife)
- Uses sexuality to lure in and manipulate men
The films were so conservatively incorrect (most being written and directed by men). They took the image of an assertive women who was not a mother, was not a wife, and was sexually aware and made her out to be evil. I mean, it was post-WW1 times – I can’t get mad about the way it was back then. However, I get furious when I hear men NOW reverting to those generalizations and expectations.
“make me a sandwich”
“get back in the kitchen”
“why aren’t you married?”
“you mustn’t have understood me”
FURIOUS!
I hear it a lot, especially in modern dating. The ghosting movement, the gaslighting movement, the disposable dating movement. Men have their own set of rules that they live by and they think it’s okay.
Holla out if you’ve seen this happen:
- A woman calls out a man for behaving badly – she’s being irrational
- A woman uses her intuition to suss out a lie – she’s crazy
- A woman finds evidence to support her significant other is cheating – she’s a snoop
- A woman asks for participation in household chores – she’s a nag
- A woman in a causal relationship seeks further casual company – she’s a slut
We play this humble game of “better be a good little potential wife” while he does whatever he wants until he decides you’ve got “the thing” he wants to keep long-term. It’s revolting.
You’re in good company – I’m the number one perpetrator of being the heart-eyed I’ll-do-anything-for-you baby possum. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve paid for the tab (to show I can hold my own), showed a pic of my boobs to random guy on Tinder (not my finest moment), or second-guessed myself when I performed any of the above situations. Classic submissive precious pet. I’m mortified by the fact that I’ve allowed this behavior to go on for so long – for what? A cuddle. That’s pretty much the only positive thing I got out of these interactions (maybe an orgasm here and there) but really – I never protected myself. (No wonder I don’t respect myself).
So…. I’m flipping it.
I intend to be the woman who seduces that man to get what she wants, but never gives him what he wants. Be the stereotype of the evil women who has no intention of wanting to pursue a relationship with these men, but gives them every reason to believe they do. Chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out, so to speak.
So, how do we create a Modern Femme Fatale? We’ve identified how a classic femme fatale was perceived – so we need to kick it into 2020 and give this bitch some millennial flare.
This is the modern-day femme fatale.
1. They dress up everyday and find empowerment from their uniform.
Creating your own empowering uniform is a must for the MFF. She uses this exterior artwork to send a message: she looks good and she wants you to know it. I challenge you to find your own empowering uniform for your MFF persona. For some it’s a pair of red high heels, others it’s leather pants. There are times when I wear an exercise crop top in public because I want to send the message that I worked out and here are my abs, world!
However, my go-to statement outfit is and will always be the curve-accentuating bandage dresses, statement heels, Chanel bag, and blonde curly hair. I’m a curvy girl and I’m sick of apologizing for that, so I drove straight into the storm and started wearing clothes that celebrated my curves. When I’ve put in this extra effort, I feel positively unstoppable and I know I can command respect and authority. Furthermore, the ensemble is the perfect work-to-dinner-table transition piece.
2. They embrace their singledom and don’t let their male counterparts play a role in their drive
Ever heard the saying “only indulge people who bring value to your life”? As an MFF, men should never be the catalyst of value coming into your life. So, therefore, you don’t need them – but you choose to keep them around. Or don’t, that’s your choice! The point is your confidence, your self-worth, and your drive aren’t influenced by their approval or their opinion. And, frankly, if they’re giving it without being asked, they’re delusional if they think I’ll take it.
Just writing this now - I got an Instagram message from an old flame who literally stopped talking to me out of the blue. Old Me would be crafting a response that could hook him back in and remind how amazing I am all in the context of ten words, 50 characters.
But that wasn’t my reaction. I saw his name, scoffed, and swipe deleted it from my feed. I DONT NEED TO SEND A MESSAGE TO HIM. And I don’t need to waste my time crafting a response which he’s not entitled to. It’s not about playing some game – I genuinely do not care. And, if I did, I would pretend I didn’t because a self-respecting MFF wouldn’t waste time on boys who behave like toddlers.
3. They shrug off negative comments and continue in stride
I am a firm believer in feedback (when it’s constructive). I think the best way to learn is by humbly listening, noting, and actively trying to improve. However, when those comment are in any way derogatory, attack-like, or unnecessary, the composer of such tripe is clearly a bottom-feeder with their own insecurities. I’ll be damned if I’ll waste time on feeding into their starving dark passenger. I have one message for you: seek therapy.
I absolutely care about what people think – it’s not a trait I can switch off. I’ve developed a layer of tough skin in my 32 years, but I still find myself being sensitive at times. My biggest critic is myself and, therefore, the only person whose approval I need is my own.
4. They embrace their sexuality and don’t apologize for it
GOD BLESS THE FORWARD MOVEMENT OF WOMEN’S PLEASURE!
Some of my fondest memories in NYC include a long-winded boozy brunch in the lower east side that ventures into a tipsy excursion to Babeland for team vibrators and pleasure enhancers.
SEX FEELS GREAT. Masturbation feels amazing. Why is this something we’re ashamed of? Why not spend half your salary on things that feel good!?
Porn! OMG. Love me some porn. Don’t ever tell me that women shouldn’t watch porn.
I’ve always been a very sexual person – openly expressive, openminded, and very interested in humanity’s desire to be intimate.
In my MFF movement, sex is not a man’s sport; it’s a woman’s hobby. We do have the final say, at the end of the day. Sex is decided by the woman.
Excuse me for 10 minutes, all this talk of power and pleasure is making me tingle. You got a problem with that, take it up with my vibrator.
5. They have no time for your bullshit.
This is a quality I’ve inherited from the women in my family - and I’m proud to know that I have a firing squad of comebacks ready at my arsenal if you’re going to behave badly. I have no problem lashing you with my smarts and calling you out for being a twat.
I get that confrontation is intimidating - I am not a confrontational person. However, I’m trying hard to stand up for myself more and more. My father has always told me to choose my battles – and I stand by that. Not every conflict warrants an argument, but there have been too many times where I’ve been hurt, disrespected, taken advantage of, manipulated, and bullied. Enough is enough. It will not go on any longer. Stand up for your little ol’ self and keep your dignity intact.
This is your official cookie-cutter description of your femme fatale persona. Now dress her up to fit your personality and goals!
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