Amid starting this blog, I began a virtual communication with a man from Bumble.
Truth be told, I have felt so inspired writing these words to women with similar feelings that I have wanted to apply my own rules and start drumming up more material. More learnings and more connections. I did not think I would start connecting with someone on a deeper level through texts.
This is my problem – and I have said it before – I am a romantic. And, when I see the smallest inkling of potential with another human, I start designing the floor-plan for our family home and imagine waking up in their arms. My standards have been dropped so low that I’m envisioning the physical presence of a dream man who I have no evidence even exists.
Oh, sure, you can argue that visualization is more powerful when you’re open with the universe. I’m a girl with several vision boards – totally on-board with that life. However, I think this is the route of my previous disappointments; I have put said dreamboat in the “possible husband” box and there he stays until I am forced to remove him with metaphorical surgical pillars because he was not even close to being that guy – I’m disappointed and he’s none the wiser.
Let’s retrace my steps. This wonderful man and I have never met. We’ve known about each other’s existence for under a week and the nicest thing he’s done for me thus far is tell me I’m pretty. That is not enough! I’m letting my imagination and romantic side be fed by the monster that is expectations built up by Disney movies! He is not entitled to my heart. He is certainly not entitled to my body. And he isn’t privileged enough to be occupying my free time when I could be thinking of new blogs for ya’ll to read or learning how to knit.
My point is, I’m my own worst enemy. I get excited and dreamy and end up getting hurt. I’m trying to be the femme fatale that does not see this man as a destination, but a friend/plaything. And, if they’re strong enough to withstand my assertion, then we can discuss the possibility of a relationship.
The good news is I’ve recognized my behavior early and I intend to change my ways in order to protect myself and use this “connection” as a learning experience. I need rules, I need boundaries, and I need them in writing!
· Thou shall not daydream of a possible future with man
· Thou shall not suggest date ideas
· Thou shall not tease the prospect of travelling together
· Thou shall not guarantee sex
· Thou shall not buy clothes, makeup, or other superficial products to please his eye
· Thou shall not stray from my values
· Thou shall not tolerate ghosting or disrespect
· Thou shall not invest all my connections in one conversation
For the purpose of this exercise, I’m wearing a rubber band on my left wrist that will be snapped when I break one of the above vows I’ve set for myself. Mostly the thinking-related ones.
None of this means I cannot flirt ridiculously and let him shout compliments from the rooftops. However, I’m not getting my hopes up. I’m flying this plane with the intention of landing a friendship with a lovely man. And, if it doesn’t work out, my expectations have been lowered and I’ll have gained some more experience and discipline for my next conquest.
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