I've written a lot about how the ultimate form of femininity is being true to yourself, your values, and your ambition – and don’t apologize for it. Unfortunately, there are going to be hurdles ever so often that test your emotions and can trigger your reactive side – unless of course, you’ve got a handle on those, in which, feel free to exit this blog. No hard feelings. Ciao.
I am trying to change the way I let myself react to scenarios, and emerge of them a better person, who isn’t going to fall into a deep depression again. I am training myself to manage my own expectations and ultimately protect my heart from being hurt. That comes down to me – I'm never going to have complete control of how people choose and run with their ambitions, therefore my only true way to combat disappointment is through altering what I can control – myself.
Countless times in my 32 years alive where I have been hurt by men. My heart fills with disappointment for every ghost, every cheat, or every lack of interest that has been hurled my way. Let me share a scenario and you put yourself in my shoes;
You’re at a friend's party, the guy you slept with at the last gathering is here. You knew he would be. You’re kinda excited to see him given you played it cool and there’s an open bar – you’ve already slept with him, so you don’t feel bad about adding another round to the scoreboard. You say hi, you look good, you talk to other people, rose is flowing. But prince average is chatting to another girl, right in front of you……
This has happened to me – more times than I can count. And in some cases, the other girl has been a friend of mine. I'm not in my 20’s anymore - I don’t behave like a crazy girl and try and get his attention by table twerking or coordinating an impromptu round of karaoke (anymore). But there are plenty of women that would be hurt or ’disrespected’ by his behavior, when actually (and you're not gonna like this) he hasn’t disrespected anyone.
He hasn’t actually done anything wrong. If anything, you have (fictionally). By walking into a party with a high expectation of a happily-ever-after-evening fantasy that involves him whispering sweet nothings in your ear and telling you he still fantasizes about you.
Bad Femme! Here’s what you do;
1. Find another man.
Any man. have an awesome conversation with said man. Flirt with that man. Kiss that man. He intros you to his friends. You meet more amazing people. You guys hit it off. You have new friends. You go to the next party together. Where old mate is there and you say hi. Then meet new people.
2. Play ignorant: men have been doing that for years.
Does this sound familiar??
a. “I thought you said….”
b. “I was clear that I wanted…”
c. “You never said that…”
d. “I never said that..”
Talking and writing are only two forms of communication. As women, we’re intuitive enough to read all ways to communicate at once. However, they’re all subjective and cannot be held in a court of dating. Therefore he cannot prove if you're intentionally flirting with every male in the room, nor trying to make him jealous, or if you genuinely don’t care about his immediate feels. So, ignore the bastard - see what his reaction is, and then you can make a strong indication of whats his intentions are. Rolls the dice and find out.
3. Always be smiling.
Smile with every part of you. Eyes. Body. Chest. Hair. Neck. By smiling – I mean open. When you lean out you’re inviting people to approach you. Imagine you're at a party and people are gathered in circles. Naturally – are you going to try and puncture a tight circle of people or find a semi-circle that you can join. The same goes for your body language in a one-on-one.
If you’re leaning back, you’re signaling your lack of enthusiasm. If you're leaning in – you giving him flirtatious vibes.
4. Strategic complements.
Men can be dumb creatures.. but they’ll always be receptive to the idea of being the alpha. Same way men (Barney Stinson) has perfected the backhand compliment to women. Aka: slightly negging them in the form of the complement to have them seeking your approval later. Practice complimenting men on things that are less superficial but more “heroic”. Tangible things they did, rather than how big and blue their eyes are. You may have to dig for the material a little bit... use this method below.
He's telling you about his job and what he does every day. Let's say he works in finance (Duh, most of the douchey ones do). You ask what his day to day is like and he explains it’s a lot of numbers and team projects.
How long has he done this?
What does he like about it?
Is he excited to reach the next level?
keep asking questions about him to him, about a topic that is important to him - until he lets slip of something he is personally proud of; Promotion, new job, raise, team change, new client.
To which you praise him like he just cured cancer!
Make it look, real girl – this is your chance to make him feel special. Even if you don’t believe it.
5. If you actually like them DON’T SLEEP WITH THEM.
Sleep with someone else. Anyone else.
If you don’t see a future with them – then go crazy! It's such a double standard that has been miscommunicated and never confirmed. But at the end of the day – you have more chance to gain their respect, affection, and loyalty if you avoid sleep with them initially.
But that’s not to say that after the 3rd, 4th or 5th date they’ll bail – you don’t know. So stay in control and make that decision for yourself.
6. Never call.
Protecting yourself means not letting your vulnerability show. And calling is the easiest way to lower your sense of control at the moment.
“But what if they never call” – good question! Good thing you’ve already moved on and when they do call it’s a pleasant surprise.
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